Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
