im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
