is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
