It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
