omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
