forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
