You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
