apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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