i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
This baby is an asshole
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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