I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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