So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
