is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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