I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
