i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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