just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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