my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
