I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
