1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
