He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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