none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
