I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
