so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize