Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
