Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
