Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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