youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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