i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
