No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
