she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
