I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
