Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
