I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize