Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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