I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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