We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
