I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Randomize
