3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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