if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
