We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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