No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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