We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
