I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize