Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
