I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
