I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
