Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
my shit smells like andre
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
