i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
