Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize