I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
