Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You can't just leave with hair like that
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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