Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize