I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
