I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
