He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
