someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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