dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Randomize
