ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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