A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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