my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
