Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Randomize
