i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
