this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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