Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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