yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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