Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
