I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
